I am very much aware that I have not blogged about anything significant for months, and it’s not for lack of things to write about. I am just not ready to start writing again yet, and my muse can be a stubborn cuss.
Gawd forbid this period of inactivity be mistaken as some sort of ill omen. What I can say is that I’m alive and doing well by most measures that matter. I am struggling with fatigue, and depression, which may help explain my absence online.
I quit the low-dose darunavir monotherapy on May 29, almost exactly one year after I had restarted ARVs. I am satisfied with, if not excited about the “numbers”, which I will update in a future post, along with additional news about my health and medical status.
It would be easy to try to explain away the Fatigue and Depression as withdrawal symptoms, because that is probably a contributing factor. But there are also too many other stressors going on in my life lately that are not helping. These unwelcome guests have become such familiar partners throughout my life, that I know what to do with them when they drop in to my life uninvited: make life more miserable for them than they can for me, and wait them out. They WILL leave.
These ruts are often the times that some of life’s most important lessons reveal themselves, so I am spending more time walking, talking, biking and just being with and listening to myself.
I am reminded that one cannot truly know joy, without also knowing sorrow; we can not understand darkness without knowing light; peace cannot be defined without comprehending conflict. Bear with me. This, too, shall pass, and I’ll be on a roll once again!
I also find the fatigue and depression are fast friends. I struggled for years to make sense of it until I realized that they are, at least in part, like the weather. Glad you are out and about. Best cure! So glad you are just doing what you need to do.
Can’t wait for an update. You ARE on a roll! 🙂